Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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