u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
