I cockslap morals
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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