I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
