i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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