You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
