My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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