Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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