i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
