My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
