i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I fill condoms, not promises.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
