we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
