pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
