To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
