What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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