His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
