his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
