If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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