he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
