do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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