he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
