I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
