He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
