capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
