Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
