i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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