I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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