If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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