you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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