This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
