i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
