No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
