Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
