More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sponge bath it is.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
