using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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