I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
