Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
