Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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