Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
