Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
