My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
