How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
