Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
