i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
