i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
