I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
