Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
