I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
