I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
