im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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