I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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